De-stress With These 8 Home Life Products

This piece was written by the people who run the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there.

As anyone with eyes, ears, and internet access can gather, our current world is a frightening heap of deep structural inequality, unchecked global power, and incoherent mass media. Despite the warm comfort that comes with brain-melting repetitive labor, your worry-addled skull still needs a hand every now and again if you want to make it to lunch without hyperventilating. That’s why the Cracked Dispensary and the Cracked Store are here with a list of stuff to help you take refuge in your mind, man. It’s all going to be OK.

There are all sorts of reasons to want to stay home and throw on some comfort clothes. Maybe your favorite show is on, or maybe the stresses of the 9-5 have pushed you to your limit, or maybe a ghostly succubus has possessed your body. It doesn’t really matter. What does matter is we have a T-shirt so comfy and light that you’ll feel like your spectral form could levitate right out of your body. Just keep it away from Bill Murray.


When the world deals you a hand of insanity, sometimes the only thing you can do is go all in. Enter the Cracked Wild Card shirt. Wear it and let all those around you know that you won’t conform to their arbitrary notion of civilized society. Then belch in their face and take the rest of the day off, because when you’re a wild card, anything goes. Take that, “the establishment.”

Being Mario isn’t easy. Your day in and day out involves dodging floating fireballs, battling evil piranha plants, and we assume the occasional plumbing job to boot. That’s why when Mario gets stressed, he turns his focus inward and calls upon his spirituality to invoke Boo. We’re not sure if a video game seance is your preferred method of unwinding (yet), but we can assure you that nothing makes a blue-collar, red-hat fella feel more relaxed than astral projection and a comfy T-shirt.

Stress Spinner

We don’t know if it’s due to growing up on hyper-stimulating video games or if there’s something in the water, but people today are more fidgety than Kramer after … well, anything at all. Stop biting your fingernails and cracking your knuckles, and try giving this weighted desk toy a spin. After a few days of mindful whirling, you’ll impress your cube neighbors with your pointless prowess and improve your focus on work duties. Usually $60, get this Stress Spinner here for $19.99. Lifetime Subscription

Listening to pump-up music during work is all well and good, but the second you find yourself head-banging against the cubicle, you know it’s time to take a step back. Give those rage-tears a rest with the calm, focused relaxation of’s neurologically optimized mind-tunes. Thanks to various types of AI-generated music tailored for work, meditation, and sleep, you’ll be able to turn your “chill” on any time you want. Pick up a lifetime subscription to for $49.99.

Stress Blocks

Spinning pens like Tommy Lee and flipping coins like Le Chiffre from Casino Royale are cool ways to keep your hands busy, but they require a certain degree of skill and dexterity. What are the rest of us clumsy oafs supposed to do when we need some mindless activity to release stress? This desk toy has tactile doodads on every side, including spinners, buttons, and switches to keep your fingers tinkering and your brain from exploding. Reduced from $24, get one of these Stress Blocks for $14.99.

Ultimate Productivity Hacks Bundle

It’s easy to dismiss those Tony Robbins types as blowhards because we want to believe that whatever path we’re on is already the path to success. But the truth is that there’s no way to know if you’re path is right until the day comes when you turn on your faucet and gold coins start shooting out like a leprechaun’s wet dream. You see, the reason these aforementioned Tony Robbinses are kicking corporate butt is that they share the same key mental attitudes, organizational strategies, and stress-reduction techniques. Learn the tricks of the business empowerment circuit with this bundle of productivity-hacking courses for just $39.

Saent Productivity Solution

Unless you grew up as one of those bodybuilding five-year-olds on YouTube, your sense of discipline probably extends no further than “Maybe tonight I won’t add an entire can of whipped cream to this hot fudge sundae.” So it’s no surprise that when it comes to logging off to get some work done, most of humanity breathes a collective sigh of “five more minutes.” That’s why you need Saent, a device that acts as a physical off switch for digital distractions. Just tell it what apps and websites make your mind wander like a child, and it blocks access while emitting a bright countdown light that screams, “Not now chief, I’m in the zone,” to your coworkers. Grab the Saent Productivity Solution for $49.99.

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